Wednesday, August 10, 2016

The Joy of a Promise Kept

Latona and I have had many privileges and blessings in our life. One that has impacted our life dramatically and made us "better people" has been the opportunity to share "end of life" days with a friend, Ruth, and then, three of our parents, Latona's mom and dad, and my dad.

My mother and stepdad have been the lone survivors of our parents for the past ten years.

Each winter, since we retired, we would spend at least a month with mom and stepdad over the holidays, and a shorter visit of a few weeks in the spring.  We watched as they progressed from their 80's to their 90's and we wondered how long they would be able to live independently.  Each visit we would ask them questions like  "Are you interested to learn about assisted living, or would you like Meals on Wheels, or how about Life Alert in case you fall?" Each time their answer was the same, and would go like this.  "We think we are doing okay.  We want to stay right here in our mobile home.  Mom: I can still make our meals, and we have each other if one of us falls."

From our observation, they still seemed capable and able to continue to do what they planned, even though stepdad's dementia was getting more apparent, and mom's eyesight was diminishing due to glaucoma. She could still prepare meals and he still went to the clubhouse for the mail.  But when we left this time, we wondered if they would be able to keep going until we returned. Our last visit was in the spring, and our departure date was April 10, 2016.  (He is now almost 97 and she turned 95 in July.)

Years ago, my mother asked me a question, "When it is time and we need help, will you come? "
I promised her I would come, from wherever, if it was humanly possible. (I am the oldest of her four children, and at the time the only one retired so it made sense that I would be the one to help.) That question, and my promise, stuck with me in my heart and mind! I wondered what incident would occur that would precipitate a change in their lives, and when would it happen!

Well, the incident occurred on July 3 when my stepdad, Chick, had a breakdown that was diagnosed as Advanced Alzheimer's. He was taken to a hospital by ambulance and eventually to a locked unit in a nursing home for care for the rest of his life. Mom called that morning and said she needed me(us) to come right away.  She needed us!  We were in Maine at the time so it meant an immediate trip to Florida. Latona and I were going to keep the promise made to my mother years before.  

We arrived and started to help mom rearrange her life.  The weeks were filled with sorting the household items and clearing out their home, while visiting with Chick at the nursing home as mom prepared to say goodbye to her husband of 30 years. There was much to do from throwing out the leftovers of thirty years of living in one spot, sending furniture to Habitat for Humanity, arranging all the paperwork for Chick at the nursing home, and other details of ending their life in Florida.




Mom told us that she knew she couldn't care for Chick any more and realized she couldn't be alone. My youngest sister and her husband said they wanted mom to come and live with them. So we were grateful to have a plan! Chick would have his care in Florida where his son lives close in the Villages. He and his wife would maintain the visits.  Mom would need to travel to Pennsylvania where my sister lives, but now would be much closer to all her children.  

The sad part of it all was that mom would be the one leaving Florida, her home and her husband.
But good things can come from difficulties of life it seems.  Chick is very content and feels quite secure in his new environment. He and mom enjoyed some very sweet romantic moments over the weeks before we left Florida. She knows he is being well cared for although she misses him.




Now she is being well cared for by my sister and her husband.  She has had a large gathering of her family a few days after we returned to Pennsylvania.  We took pictures of mom with her children, and a four generation picture with Carrie, and the girls and me.  AND she now has two cats, Hansel and Gretel.




And I have seen the most amazing woman, my 95 year-old mother, adapt and come to terms with the realities of her life, without anger or frustration, but with honest tears and heartache. I can see that she is getting comfortable in her new home, and she is receiving much care from my sister.  Another sister will go and spend a day a week with her, and my brother will also be visiting and bringing her scratch-offs which she loves. She will watch Price is Right, Ellen, and Jeopardy, while caring for her cats and doing puzzles. She will be strong and continue to show me just how this life can be lived with courage, and with strength, and always with faith. I kept my word and my promise to my mother.  As always I was blessed beyond measure.



😍😍😍😍😍 My footnote is to Latona, my faithful, sweet and loving partner. I am so grateful that you have shared this time with me. I could not have kept my promise without you.


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